Friday, January 07, 2005

Me and Jon A Down By the Wal-Mart (A True Story) ...

My buddy Jon Alaniz stopped by on his way up to Lynchburg College yesterday and spent the night (more of you should do this). I gave him a tour of what I know of Columbia, culminating with a stop at Wal-Mart. It was at said Wal-Mart that we found the best redneck product ever made: Knock-off UnderArmor...camoflauge knock-off UnderArmor. So, when you're out running through the woods chasing deer like a manly-man, you can feel dry and cool with moisture wicking material that just happens to double as camo. Wow. Except, you know, most hunters just sit in a blind and feed corn to the deer and then shoot them. I guess it gets rough sitting in the same spot for hours. Some sport.


I have seen the TV show "The Parkers" three times in my life. Everytime I have happened to watch it, it has been the same episode. It has the fat mother taking over the church choir, and then the fat daughter tricks fat mom to go see OukKast and misses choir rehersal. Fat mom finds out, gets mad and kicks daughter out of choir. Then the preacher begs fat mom to let fat daughter back into the choir because the choir sucks without her. Fat mom relents. Everyone is happy.

Now, I know what you're thinking.

"Eric, you should have changed the channel the first time that show ever came on."

And you'd be right, but I can't change what happened.

I mean, I think it's destiny. The first time, well, that can happen to anyone. The second time, that's just a freaky coincidence, but the third time? I felt obligated to watch it. Like the episode had become a part of me. You don't just turn your back on things like that, you have to embrace it. And I have. But if it happens a fourth time...I'm not watching TV ever again.

Why did I just tell you this? I dunno, I'm in the mood for damaging admissions. I think it started with Sarah McLaughlin.

btw, I love ginger green tea. Feel free to buy me some.


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