Monday, December 27, 2004

This assimilation thing isn't going as I planned...

Ok, I go to Wal-Mart to get some hooks for my door so I can put my scarves on them. I find them and then proceed to the check out line. Everything is going smoothly until I had the lady my money. She looks at me, then says.

"You're not from around here, are you?"

At this point, I'm getting scared. I have this feeling like this will turn out like those movies where the rednecks corner the poor black guy in the back of the convenience store, then they lynch him.

I go, "No, I'm from San Antonio, TX."

Her face lights up like I just revealed I was wearing black face.

"Texas!? Well hey there, I have a joke for you!" she says.

Right about now, I start to look around for a way out. No one is behind me in line. No one is remotely near us. So much for an escape.

She starts telling it, and halfway through, she forget it. She then proceeds to reach behind her and pick up a Reader's Digest and turns to the joke section. She reads me the joke, having something to do with Texans, Californians, New Yorkers, and beef shortage. I laugh nervously, trying to be cool. By this time, someone has gotten behind me in line. I feel better, knowing the chances of me being lynched have gone down...or gotten worse, depending on the mentality of the guy behind me and if the checkout lady decides to sell me out. Anyways, I laugh some more, grab my bag and walk away. Somehow I have survived.

The question that begs to be answered here is how did this woman know I wasn't from Columbia. I know that it's a small town, but surely everyone doesn't know everyone...I could have slipped through her radar. What tipped her off that I wasn't a native? My lack of accent? My tragically stylish dress? The fact I'm buying hooks to put scarves on? I thought maybe she saw something suspect in my wallet, but I have a TN licence, so I'm cool on that part. I suggested that maybe she smelled foreigner, and of course when I tell this to Christina, she goes "yeah, you have a scent," which makes me think I need to change deoderants. Do I smell like TX? It seems to be the only logical explanation.


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