You Know You Work in A Redneck Town When...
A lesson in being quiet...

This truck driver comes up to us today and goes, "Hey ya'll, I'm gonna be on CMT tonight!" and I go "What for? Were you at some concert?" and he replies "Hell no, I was at this machine gun convention in Kentucky and they interviewed me!"

Like, right there, I wanted to run away and hide.

God forbid that I ever voice my opinions on gun control here, I would probably get shot by these people and their God-given right to bear arms. But really, I'm just amazed that they have machine gun conventions, though I probably shouldn't be.

Sometimes I wonder how I ever make it to work in the morning. Toda,y I swear, my legs didn't work until at least 7am.

I'm off to sleep.

-ed

Now...

I know I'm a music nerd. I go through songs and bands like a fat kid eats cake. But holy crap this new Sufjan Stevens album is going to be freaking amazing. Probably even better than Greetings From Michigan.

"Come on! Feel the Illinoise! -Part I: The World's Columbian Exposition -Part II: Carl Sandburg Visits Me in a Dream" is simply one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard. Long winded title and all, I cannot stop listening to it. I repeated it at least 10 times on the way to and from Decatur, and I listen to it every morning before I go to work. I fear I will probably wear it out, but God, I hope not. It's amazing. Everyone I know should buy this, or I will buy it for you.

Also, today, I am playing soccer with a guy who played for the Trinidad National Team and 2 guys from England who coach the MLS camps here. I am going to get my ass kicked. It'll be great.

-ed
-ed

I Hate Vanity License Plates...

And today I followed a guy home who had "THEKANG" on his plates. WTF. I'm pretty sure he meant "The King" but said with a Southern accent. I wanted to rear end him so terribly bad.

I saw a bunch of bunnies for sale on the way to work this morning, and I laughed. Those who know my history with rabbits will laugh too.

-ed

Should I Be Surprised...

That the fat girl I work with has Ho-Ho flavored lip gloss? You know, the little cake thing made by Hostess? It's authenticity was confirmed by Suzanne, the grossly overweight fork lift driver, who I firmly believe has eaten or smelled many, many Ho-Ho's in her life.

The driver of the Old Dominion Freight truck, Elton, is this late 60'sish fat guy who just says the most random and hillarious stuff, so in a semi-regular feature, I bring you Elton's Words of Wisdom, uncensored and uncut.

Elton's Wisdom for the Day:
"That shit we smoked in the 70's, that was good shit. I'd take 3 hits and I'd be outta my head. I had this budy once, took two hits, woke up in a park with ducks shitting on him."

-ed

Coffee and Sunflower Seeds...
are my lifeblood

List of Random Stuff

1. Number of times "Revolution Blues" by Neil Young was playing when I entered a McDonald's parking lot: 2
2. Number of times Tara's mother attempted (unsuccesfully) to tell me why Tara chose Belmont: 2
3. Number of blind horses that ran into me: 1
4. Number of huge metal crosses I encountered: 2
   
5. Worst Driver Award: The woman in the Econoline van who tailed me for 5 miles outside of Paducah, KY when I was going 80mph and no one was around for miles.
6. Time I was most likely to die (Tied with Gayest Moment) : Singing along to a Gwen Stefani song in Effingham, Il, pulling into a gas station next to a guy with a Confederate flag in his window (I could have sworn Illinois was part of the Union...)
7. Word said the most on my ride back: "idiot"
8. Bocce ball means "little balls" ball
   

Dear United States Government,
Before I take a trip to Decatur, Illinois again, I would like you to fix a few things:

1. Please find a better name for "Land Between The Lakes State Park"
2. I-24 turns to crap as soon as I hit the KY state line. Please spend some money and make road driveable.
3. Please get rid of that huge metal cross in Effingham, Ill that scared me to death when it rose like a monster over the horizon.
4. Please make a nationwide declaration that the speed limit is 70, not 65 like KY and Il seem to think it is.
5. Please make an law declaring that when you have to slow down, it is not a "speed zone." There is nothing speedy about slowing down from 65 to 45mph.
6. And finally, please make the terrain of Illinois more interesting. Adding hills would be nice. And trees. That'd be cool too.

Thanks,
Eric Domkowski

All in all, a great trip. Tired me out like no other, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

-ed

Useless Information!

Ok, so since I have a nearly 7 hour drive ahead of me on Saturday, I made 3 mix cd's to help me enjoy the ride. So, for posterity's sake, here are the playlists, each with it's own classic title:

1. Decatur Drive: THE ROCK
1. Silence Kit - Pavement 2. Going Up The Country- Canned Heat 3. My Coco - Stellastar* 4. The Rest Will Follow - Trail of Dead 5. Teenage Riot - Sonic Youth 6. Rebellion (Lies) - The Arcade Fire 7. Like Eating Glass - Bloc Party 8. Romantic Rights - Death From Above 1979 9. The Best of Jill Hives - Guided By Voices 10. Heated Pool and Bar - John Vanderslice 11. Movement - LCD Soundsystem 12. January 1979 - mewithoutyou 13. Abel - The National 14. Bridges and Squares - Ted Leo and the Pharmacists 15. Hotcha Girls - Ugly Casanova 16. The Hardest Button to Button - The White Stripes 17. Arc Arsenal - At The Drive-In 18. Change Your Mind - The Killers 19. Good Morning Aztlan - Los Lobos 20. I Love the Valley OH - Xiu Xiu.

2. Decatur Drive: THE MIDWEST (which basically are bands from the midwest, or bands that I think should be if they're not already. Someone will probably correct me. Advance Warning: Don't Care.)
1. The Great Salt Lake - Band of Horses 2. Never Meant - American Football 3. Without Panasos - The Anniversary 4. Girl Is On My Mind - The Black Keys 5. The Recluse - Cursive 6. With God On Our Side - Bob Dylan 7. All Harm - Early Day Miners 8. Burned Bridges - The Get Up Kids 9. The Dark Don't Hide It - Magnolia Electric Co. 10. Terrified - Norfolk and Western 11. Tear Stained Eye - Son Volt 12. Via Chicago - Wilco 13. Come On! Feel the Illinoise! - Sufjan Stevens 14. The Last Days of Disco - Yo La Tengo 15. Tampa To Tulsa - The Jayhawks 16. Transcontinental - Pedro The Lion 17. Michigan - Red House Painters

3. Decatur Drive: THE DANCE
1. Fever (Adam Freeland Extended Mix) - Adam Freeland and Sarah Vaughan 2. Heartbeat (Phones Maximo Remix) - Annie 3. Still Missing (Royksopp Remix) - Beck 4. Close To Me (Closet Remix) - The Cure 5. Got It Twisted Sister (The Rapture Vs. Mobb Deep) - Dopplebanger 6. What You Waiting For? (Jacques Lu Cont Thin White Duke Mix) - Gwen Stefani 7. No Not Now (Hot Hot Dub mix) - Hot Hot Heat vs FakeID 8. My My Metrocard - Le Tigre 9. Bucky Done Gun - M.I.A. 10. Money Folder (Four Tet Remix) - Madvillain 11. Tears of Octopus (Adam Sparkles Remix) - Man Man 12. In My Arms - Mylo 13. It's For You - Out Hud 14. Remind Me (Someone Else's Mix Edit) - Royksopp 15. Someone Like You (Fast Track Vocal Mix) - Superdiscount 16. Random - Lady Sovereign

-ed

Televangelists...

So, I wake up early every day (around 7:30-8am), and while I drink my coffee, I watch TV. Now, as we don't have cable TV, I'm stuck with whatever is on the standard channels. Luckily for me, we have 4 out of 13 stations devoted to religion (and another 3 for the wonders of Home Shopping). This means I have my choice of televangelists to watch each morning. These guys seriously make me laugh so hard. They range from little kids shows to a guy who answers letters adressing topics as:

"What happened to the other races during Noah's flood?"
'Well, John in Deluth, it says God made Noah take 2 of every 'flesh.' So that means all other races were part of that. Thank the Lord the white man was there to save them."

But by far, my favorite guy is Benny Hinn.

http://www.faithcenteredresources.com/images/benny-hinn-website.jpg">

This guy is amazing. He wears white suits (or today, since he was in Nigiria, a white dashiki) and says God speaks directly to him. He has this weird accent, and I think he's from Israel, so it's even more hillarious. He's one of those guys who pushes people and says they are healed and grabs people and says that their cancer is gone. Today, he told this story about how this woman's daughter isn't in Hell, because God told him so. This guy totally reminds me of that John Edwards psychic weirdo, because he's so vague and creepy. Anyways he makes me laugh really hard, and I need that in the morning.

Did you know Tony Danza has a talk show? Wow. I'll be glad to be working and not have to watch this stuff.

-ed

World, Rejoice: Part II

For I am employed! The Randstad woman called me up today and said they had an opening at this factory for someone to fill orders, so I jumped on it. Turns out I'm working at Spontex, a company that makes sponges.

Ok, laugh....go! Alright, laugh time is up.

She told me I needed to get steel toed boots, so I went to Wal-Mart and bought some, along with some bitchin' Wranglers, which are by far the most uncomfortable jeans I've ever worn, but I think I'll fit in. I also found my camo bandana, which will be used somehow. I figure I should jump in head first and assume the roll of redneck for this job. I'm already afraid they'll see my earrings and think I'm gay, so if I wear the Wanglers, it should throw them off the trail a bit.

It shouldn't be that bad of a job, the woman said there will probably be a lot of downtime. I just hope it lasts for a while, and that I can keep it up when I start classes at Columbia State CC.

And! And! I'm going to Tara's this weekend! Good week all around!

-ed

Another Boring Day...

I'm on the call list at Randstad for "Light Industrial Work," which basically means I'll be doing factory assembly line crap, so whoo hoo. Right now any job is a good job. Hopefully they'll call soon.

I've seen so many things where I'm like, "I can do that!" such as sign painting and holding a sign declaring a business to be "GOING OUT OF BUSINESS! MUST LIQUDATE!" I need to get connections in this town. I even took Christina's advice and looked on thefacebook.com for people in Columbia. I didn't know anyone except Stacey. And for a moment I felt lonely, which is odd, because as an only child I'm used to being alone. I've missed being with people, but I've never felt like I was lonely, like there was no one to connect with. But here, I go for days with the only people I talk face to face with being my parents. Then I talked with Jordan online this afternoon, and that was great because even though we're hundreds of miles away, it still felt like there was a connection still, a person to talk with.

Anyways, that's way more emotional than I usually get. My deepest apologies.

I might see Tara this weekend! Woot! Let's hope it all works out.

-ed

Record of the Week - Daydream Nation - Sonic Youth

What Hell...

Sonics 101, Spurs 89

-ed

Random Thoughts...

• The longer I live here, the more inbred people start to look.
• There is nothing more that makes me not want to get married than the vocal delivery of "Going To The Chapel of Love," that oldies song with the line (delivered like a drunk, unhappy housewife) "Gee I really love you and we're going to get married."
• Despite my best attempts to sleep in today, I still woke up at 7am. I defiantly laid in bed until 8am when my mom came in and made me get up.
• The Debussy record I bought at Goodwill for $.75 is amazing for 1) including Clair de Lune, La Mer, and Arabesque #1 and 2) having that amazing Japanese print that I want so badly on the cover.
• I have this feeling my iPod will never get fixed.
• I miss people I truly know more than I could have ever imagined.

-ed

The Saga Continues...

Today, in the parking lot of Lowes, I saw a kid (probably around 9 years old) get out of a car and proceed to pee in full view of everyone.

I stood there, not knowing what to do or think. Then I realized I was in Columbia, and it all sort of made sense.

The good news is that we finished sheet-rocking my room, so now all we need to do is cover the seams and I can start painting. I'll try to post pictures of the progress.

-ed

What's Wrong with Evangelical Christianity, Part 1.

As many of you know, I grew up in the Church of Christ, a very conservative denomination. We don't have musical instruments in worship, women have basically no say in anything, and we are the people that voted for Bush soley because "he's a Christian." Now I don't consider myself a member of the Church of Christ anymore due to many various things, but something happened today that jogged my memory as to one of the first reasons I became dissillusioned with the church. (Now before I go off on this, please realize I do consider myself a Christian, I'm just not comfortable with a lot of the mentalities that are aligned with it).

We used to have this thing called "Leadership Training For Christ," where you would spend half a year or so learing everything you could about a book of the Bible, and then you would go and compete against other kids from around Texas in such things as a trivia bowl, drama, singing, art, and other things. You would get awarded different medals (gold, silver, bronze) for your efforts, but if you really sucked, you got nothing at all. I realized pretty quickly that something was wrong with this. CHRISTIANITY IS NOT A COMPETITION. Just because I drew a pretty picture doesn't make me a better Christian than the guy who submitted one with a stick figure. I'm sure people would say that it's just good to get kids into Christianity, let them learn about it. That's well and fine, I can honestly say that I know a good deal more about straight Biblical things than many of my friends who still go to church, but to turn it into a competition is horribly wrong.

I was reminded of this when I turned on the TV this morning and it was on one of the 4 religous stations that we get (out of 13 possible channels), and they had a quiz show for little kids about Old Testament things (I also think it was from the 80's). There were two teams, and when the final score was announced, the camera fixed on the losing side and you could see the utter disapointment on their faces (talk about conservative guilt..."look at you, you know nothing!") and it got worse when the guy announced the other team got a watch. The little girl, probably around 10 years old, looked like she was going to cry.

If we continue to turn Christianity into a competition for the younger generation, it would do us well to actually sit down and think about what the message of Christianity is. It's most definitely not a ranked list of the saved.

-ed

How Do I Know I'm In Columbia?
(Besides the accents and the general punk-rock attitude of the citizens)

Because when I turn on the radio in my shower on Friday night, instead of nice oldies music, I hear reports of NASCAR races, complete with reports from the pits.

Still no word on a job, but I'm hoping something happens soon. I'll probably go out looking again on Monday, because tomorrow will be spent working on the house.

Reminder to myself: Buy more jazz records.

-ed

World, Rejoice...

For I have finally set up the voicemail thing on my phone. Now you can all leave me messages and I'll be obligated to call you back (grr).

BTW, these little vegan cracker things my mom bought are amazing when you eat them with pepperjack cheese. Yum.

-ed

Summer in Columbia, Day 1...

Today, my only goal was to go apply for a job at various places around town. I mean, who needs a summer break? Give me work now. Anyways, I applied at Hewgly's Music Store and was told no because they only had two employees but to keep trying because, "one of us has to leave sometime." Yeah, sure. Then I went over to House Blend Coffee Shop and asked and was given an application but no indication of whether they were hiring or not. Then I drove down to the mall and walked around. At the Dollar Tree, they had a huge sign saying "NOW HIRING." Now, I figure that they don't pay a lot, but hey, a job is a job right now, so I went in and asked. This is how it went down:

I walk into the store and the woman behind the counter immediately runs off to the back. So I wait around for about 5 min and walk around the store. Eventually she comes back. I walk up to her.

Me: Hey there, are you still hiring?
Her: Uh, no. (Walks away very quickly)

Now, I don't want to think bad things. I want to believe that people are nice people. But I have reason to believe that because I don't fit the clientle of the Dollar Tree (fat, black, and female) there was no way I was going to get a job. Or if that's not the case, they need to take down the sign and quit giving me hope for employment.

So far, the best opportunity I've seen is for pizza delivery. And I'm seriously considering it. Papa Johns or Dominos? Such a quandry.

Anyways, that's the main excitement for today, woot.

-ed

P.S. Christina, if you have those pictures from when we were all sitting on that deer...I'd like them :)

Now Batting for the Texas Rangers...

Pope John Paul II! I'm not even kidding, check this out.

-ed

Announcement...

Tomorrow, when I talk to people online, I will not use punctuation. Be prepared.

-ed

FYI...

My latest trip to Grimey's is now classified as the best trip this year, since I picked up Talking Heads: 77 on vinyl (which I have been looking for for a long time), and the National's latest record, which is just beautiful and sad, which fits my mood perfectly today. Sigh.

My parents are coming in to town today to take some stuff back to Columbia (or as I am now fond of calling it, the C-O-L), so they're taking me out to lunch...woot. I still don't get to leave until Tuesday afternoon. Thank you Kiki and your crazy antics.

-ed

It's 8:40am, and I'm awake and bored...

bold the states you've been to, underline the states you've lived in and italicize the state you're in now...

Alabama / Alaska / Arizona / Arkansas / California / Colorado / Connecticut / Delaware / Florida / Georgia / Hawaii / Idaho / Illinois / Indiana / Iowa / Kansas / Kentucky / Louisiana / Maine / Maryland / Massachusetts / Michigan / Minnesota / Mississippi / Missouri / Montana / Nebraska / Nevada / New Hampshire / New Jersey / New Mexico / New York / North Carolina / North Dakota / Ohio / Oklahoma / Oregon / Pennsylvania / Rhode Island / South Carolina / South Dakota / Tennessee / Texas / Utah / Vermont / Virginia / Washington / West Virginia / Wisconsin / Wyoming / Washington D.C

-ed

So, stuck eating a freaking Honey Bun again...

WHEN ALL I WANT IS DUNKIN' STIX.

I miss you, Dunkin' Stix. Snack Machine Guy, please bring my Dunkin' Stix back. If I'm going to gain weight, I want to do it with the Stix.

-ed

A Tribute to Frank Brickowski...

When I was younger, I used to collect basketball cards. I would spend my weekly allowence on Upper Deck or Fleer cards that I'd buy at the Stop 'N Go, praying I would get a Michael Jordan card (which I did once. Thanks, God.). Anyways, more likely than not I would get a bunch of no-name players and occasionaly a 6th man (Once I got an Kevin McHale card, that was awesome).

There was one player, however, that I always seemed to get. Frank Brickowski. Frank played for a lot of teams, even the Spurs.

I always got his card when he played for the Bucks. I hate him and his stupid crew cut. His presence in my pack of cards automatically meant that Michael Jordan was not in that pack. Why would Air Jordan waste his time with lowly Frank Brickowski? I did some research and found out Frank went to UPenn, and averaged like 11pts a game. NBA.com lists his carrer average at 10ppg. If Frank was anything, he was consistent. According to a Google search, Frank is more known for knocking Dennis Rodman on his ass in the 1996 NBA finals (when he played for the Sonics) than anything else on the court, even more than winning the 6th man of the year award in 1992. To quote from www.sonicscentral.com, "a 6-9 rough and tumble player full of fire and grit -- and with very few actual skills at the time--made the team." And I always got his card.

Anyways, I hate Frank Brickowski.

-ed

Bruin Cup Party...

So, this pretty much explains the condition we were in...

Kyle and me, on top of Six. Go Decoys.

-ed

Wow...

So Illinois by Sufjan Stevens just leaked and I've picked up a couple of mp3's from it, and all I can say is "Holy Crap." This is amazing. Picks up where he left off with Michigan and makes it better. I can't do it justice, so just listen to it.

Sufjan Stevens - Chicago

-ed

Spurs vs. Nuggets: A Comparison by Uniforms
(aka Why The Nuggets Suck)

So I'm watching the Spurs game, and there's something that the Nuggets exude that just makes me think, "Geez, they suck," and I think I finally figured out what it is. Their uniforms. Seriously, let's take a look at the two "classic" uniforms from both the Spurs and Nuggets. First up, the Spurs:

Ok, first of, note the classic design of this uniform; The Spurs logo square on the center, black and white colors, pretty much the best uniform ever. George Gervin is also posed in a classic shot, looking like the Iceman he is. Now, let's look at the classic Nuggets uniform:

Can anything get worse than this? I can barely describe this thing without choking. Those colors should not be combined. Forest Green? Red and Black? Yellow? Who designed this crap? And Dan Issel? Is this not the most awkward pose ever? He's like the antithesis of George Gervin: White and horrible. I mean, he's nowhere near the rim. I bet he couldn't even dunk on a kidde hoop. Now, a look at the Spurs uniform of today:

Again, classic. Nothing has really changed in the basic design. It's still black and white, the Spurs logo is still in the center, albeit slightly updated, but still the same basic theme. And Tim Duncan has an air of confidence that just says "Winner." Now, the Nuggets of today:

Uh, pardon me, but baby blue has never looked good on athletes. I think the Clippers tried it once. Anyone remember the Phillies uniforms that were baby blue? HORRIBLE. Things don't change. These uniforms suck. Look at Carmelo. He's like "Dear God, trade me now. I feel so gay. Why couldn't I have been the number one pick and played for the Cavs? God, I hate Dan Issel."

And that is why the Nuggets suck.

-ed

Depressing Fact of the Day...

The #1 song on my birthday was "I Want To Know What Love Is" by Foreigner.

This fool rocked my birthday. I want a do-over.

Find out yours here.

-ed